Watching the freshmen scurry around campus this week brought back memories of my orientation experience, which turned out to be pretty much the most worthless event of my four-plus years at the U (that includes the time my roommate and I pulled an all-nighter to beat “Gears of War” on my XBOX 360 and drink a case of Mickey’s).

There’s nothing fun about being forced into classes where overly enthusiastic administrators spew stuff that’s pretty much common knowledge anyway.

That’s what high school was for.

For the sake of salvaging your first few days in Reno, if you didn’t do that by hitting the town, here’s the same knowledge they’ve been giving out all week.

Only useful.

1. Attendance is important

While you might not think your emo flip fits in with the sports crowd, you’re wrong. College athletics are a rallying point for the entire campus. It’s something that everyone can come together about and share without judgment.

So show up.

Plus, whether you like it or not, athletics are the scope through which most of America judges this institution. So you might as well make it look good.

2. Education is the key

The “(Insert obscenity) the (insert opponent mascot)” chant is formulaic, but it’s about as original as a Britney Spears/Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton/Courtney Love cooter slip.

You’re in college now. You’ll be reading Voltaire and Tolstoy during the next four (of five) years, so put those newly acquired critical thinking skills to use and do some research.

3. Dress for success

I distinctly remember an overcast autumn day about three years ago, the first of many I spent watching Wolf Pack football practice in the name of journalism, when coach Chris Ault snuck up and put me in a headlock. I’d worn a red shirt to practice, thus earning a bit of emasculation from the Little General.

Ault was joking, but the message was pretty clear – UNLV is a blasphemous institution in these parts.

Don’t wear red on game days.

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